i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
