I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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