i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
