At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
