Life is so much better after having sex.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
