State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Enjoy the penises
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
