the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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