just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
