my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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