hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
