I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
