i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
