i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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