So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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