you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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