I wish I could teleport
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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