Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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