hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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