what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
