Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Randomize
