when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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