smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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