Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
