Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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