shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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