my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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