pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
