A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
