He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize