My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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