one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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