I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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