When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
