grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
