i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize