if you like me you must not know who I am
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
