Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
