Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
