Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
