it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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