are you still at the devil's house?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Need sex. Gaining weight.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
