There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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