Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
