How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He felt like a one man threesome
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
