we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
bring money and cleavage
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
