I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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