You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize