In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
