brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We had to coat check the pizza.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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