at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This house was built for laser tag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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