Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Green mimosas i think yes
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
