He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
