Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
