the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
