So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
