someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
