My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
