I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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