That's when you crack a 10am beer
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
