I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize