Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
