you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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