i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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