I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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