are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
