Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
