there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Randomize
