i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Your cock deserves a montage
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
