I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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