It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
