yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
