I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
