Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
