he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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