We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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