My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Let's get the cat blown out
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
