are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
