WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
