I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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