You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
