how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
