happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
