I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
