I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
