he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
should my penis look like a turkey
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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