My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Couch. On fire.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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