Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
