so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize