the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We had to coat check the pizza.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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