she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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