I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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