the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You are a genius and a whore.
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